watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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