shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize