Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
