Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I seem to have left my pride at pride
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
