No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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