I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
