would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
