You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
In America we eat man semen.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize