I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
