dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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