Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
50% drunk capacity currently
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
