I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
