We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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