theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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