dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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