I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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