I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
