just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
