i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
