Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
