Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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