Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
