i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I AM VODKA MAN
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
