just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
