Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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