youre lurking in front of me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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