If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
