i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Blood and glitter go together right?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
