Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
