So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
