he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
