Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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