I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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