Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
