Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
