Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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