I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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