I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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