Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
