dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize