i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize
