i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
