he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
