He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
