i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
