i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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