We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize