So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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