Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize