Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
