morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
