Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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