I accidentally burped into my bong.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
