I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
