I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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