If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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