Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
