Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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