Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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