why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
