yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my being single is dangerous.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
