thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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