I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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