I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
