Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
