Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
