I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
