why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
