No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
