my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
