We're facebook friends in real life
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
