i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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