i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
