and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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