I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
