i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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