My sheets look like a crime scene.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
