mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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