you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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