So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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