Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
