I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
