I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
