he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
