why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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