my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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