now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
