i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
