he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
farters have to be the big spoon...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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