your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
this beer tastes like vomit already
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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