I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Sober January is a disaster.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
