Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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