my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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