my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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