A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
