she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I have post one night stand depression
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
