i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
