A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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