I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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