i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
