Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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