He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
