So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
