what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
