i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
